Following story and its followup discussion are published on http://www.crossvoice.com/article.pl?sid=04/07/16/1833235&objtype=stories
The clouds were not really thick, not like anything to indicate an imminent rain, but enough to block the sun quite well, like a huge canopy, casting a dark shadow on everything, especially on Melynn”s mind.
Melynn, sitting at a table by the window in Belsik Coffee Shop, was watching several old-looking cars slowly turning into the parking lot of the supermarket across the street, apparently making some late shopping trips on the way back home from work. She took a small sip of Mocha in front of her, “it was much too sweet. How was that she never noticed before”, she frowned a little, quietly resolving on ordering only black coffee next time – at age 35, she needed to watch her diet.
She was on vacation. It was a while since she last took any time off her work, and had some hope of its comfort effect on her currently joyless daily life. But when the day really came…. She sighed internally, her mind went back to Jerry.
Jerry should have been here with her had they not broken up two weeks ago. It didn”t come as a surprise, as Melynn had long suspected that he would never commit to a settled relationship in the form of marriage, which had been a source of resentment and friction for quite some time – yet the actual pain of final dissolution of the relationship didn”t lesson much because of this prior knowledge. Now sitting in this coffee shop in complete solitude, it was hard not to remember his pleasant, though a little weary, smile upon her whenever they talk, and his constant looking out of new things to try – new games, new food, new activities. The remembrance of his childlike preoccupation with which the new thing was tried out the first time never failed to bring a smile to her face.
No, she didn”t miss Jerry. It was the companionship, the feeling of always having someone to talk with, to turn to, to lean on, that was sorely missed. And Melynn couldn”t help lamenting the loss of 7 years of her life invested in this relationship which bore no fruit of matrimony happiness. Not that she was some kind of old-fashioned creep that saw the domestic establishment as the only fulfilling goal in a woman”s life. But as she grew older, she started looking forward to having family, bearing babies, being called Mrs., etc., all the things that come with a marriage. But now…. She felt a surge of sorrow rising in her chest, expanding and subsiding like a wave, left an inward emptiness.
She finished the drink, and ordered another one, and realized it”s too late to change the order to a cup of black coffee. She bit her lip and smiled bitterly to herself. For a 35 year old woman, slim built, smartly dressed, Melynn was by no means an unattractive sight in the crowd. She had quite a few short-lived relationship before Jerry, one or two in college years even passionate, but none as significant as the one she just lost.
As walking back to her table, she caught a watchful stare from a next table seater. It was a guy in his early thirties, clean-cut, T-shirt and jeans, with laptop opened on his table. Melynn now recalled seeing him typing away on his laptop while drinking from 3 cups in turn, and her actually thinking about those “high-tech caffeine-loaded nerds”. The attention was flattering, though, especially soothing to a sinking self-esteem. Her reserved acknowledgement was immediately met with a very open smile and nodding, followed by an attempt of approaching which was awkwardly checked by her hurried retreat of her eyes. Her heart beat quickened a bit, besides, she didn”t like to come across as desperate.
Yes, it was more comfortable here than her own apartment which she moved in after leaving the place where she lived with Jerry for 7 years. This was a tiny one-bedroom set which engrossed much of her time during the first few weeks to paint and redecorate. But now when it was all tidy up and everything to her taste, she couldn”t wait to escape its emptiness and silence in dire need of spirit of life.
She still had friends, relatives to spend time with, but she”d rather be lonely in a crowd of strangers, where she could attend to her wounded heart without significant glances from others; while secretly harboring the hope, among all the buzz of a lively coffee shope could offer, in complete ignorance of her emotional setback, that she might be swept away from her dreary situation, somehow, by someone, anyone…
It was getting dark out there, a bit windy as well, as all the leaves on the trees were trembling towards one side. It was kind of Fall night that can be called chilly when the wind started. The very few pedestrians outside all hunched up their shoulders, hands in their pockets. One woman was dragging along a very reluctant little boy, looking stoicly determined not to heed his constant protest. She looked tired, irritated, but not the least despondent. Melynn looked away with an averted eye, wishing she were that woman.
The lights inside the coffee store had just turned on. By the reflection in the window, she could clearly see a young couple sat a bit further inside, with two drinks and a couple of sliced cakes on their table. They paced themselves nicely, occasionally chatted with each other in low voices. From time to time, one of them glanced around a little, more of the result of changing posture than taking any real interest in their surroundings. Meilynn was jealous of them; for their confidence in each other”s affection, and the ease and comfort deriving from that confidence.
She was studying the window a while before discerning the image of him. Her gaze fixed on him, hoping to gain better observation this way without being detected. He was still busy with his laptop, from time to time, he would look up and around, and invariably finished his inspection with a pointed look at her table, at her. She bit her lip again, her mind was in a constant flux. He looked tidy, industrious, pleasant, that his willingness for converse was obvious. Jerry was the perfect man in Melynn”s mind to build a family with, but after a prolonged engagement which turned into nothing – he was not ready, he needed more time, he didn”t know how long – she was not going to give up anybody else for him.
She turned to him, just in time to hold his glimpse, she smiled brightly, fully prepared to be encouraging. He again flashed back his open and sincere grin, one of them glanced around a little, more of the result of changing posture than taking any real interest in their surroundings. Meilynn was jealous of them; for their confidence in each other”s affection, and the ease and comfort deriving from that confidence.
She was studying the window a while before discerning the image of him. Her gaze fixed on him, hoping to gain better observation this way without being detected. He was still busy with his laptop, from time to time, he would look up and around, and invariably finished his inspection with a pointed look at her table, at her. She bit her lip again, her mind was in a constant flux. He looked tidy, industrious, pleasant, that his willingness for converse was obvious. Jerry was the perfect man in Melynn”s mind to build a family with, but after a prolonged engagement which turned into nothing – he was not ready, he needed more time, he didn”t know how long – she was not going to give up anybody else for him.
She turned to him, just in time to hold his glimpse, she smiled brightly, fully prepared to be encouraging. He again flashed back his open and sincere grin, and directly walked up.
The agitation was hightened as he got closer: There was no tentativeness in his manner – did she look needy that gave instant confidence to others? – but he was all alone this whole afternoon – should she tell him about Jerry?
Her heart pounded so fast and heavy, that she got panic in realizing that she was less prepared than needed. As the guy sat down at her table, with a “Hi, my name is Bob”, she was overwhelmed to the point of total confusion that she knew not what to say and what expression to assume. She flushed deeply, stuttered, fluttered at his voice. She could almost see, with heart-wretching regret, that her prey was slipping away as she couldn”t manage a calm composure. Amid all the flurry of thought, she heard him saying that he was watching her all the afternoon. She hated herself behaving like a love-smittened high-school girl.
“I can”t help noticing that you ordered 6 drinks this afternoon.” he leisurely mentioned.
Eh? that many? She was not counting. But that was fine, if only she could clear up her head and remark in some intelligent way – She”d been called witty by her friends – Oh, if only she could.
“By the way”, he continued, as evenly as before “I”m the manager of this coffee shop.”
That was news.
“It seemed that you were not wholely satisfied with your experience here, and I”d really like to know if that has anything to do with our products or services.” He softly proceeded “if you don”t mind”. With that, he brought back his laptop, opened up its lid and quickly made a few stroks on his keyboard, before being ready to direct all his undivided attention to a complaining customer.
This got to be a bad dream. Melynn felt like suddenly dropping into a ice bucket, all the fuzzy, warm clouds around her head was now gone without trace. A customer! How embarrassing! She had to clentch her teeth to fight the sense of humiliation. However, it was in this chilly sense of mortification, that her effort of finding her composed, witty, usual self found its strength – No, no, that was nothing, merely a bad taste on her side. Nothing to worry about, really – she assured. He persisted, so she let go more – Coffee was fine, Mocha probably a little bit too sweet, just slightly, nothing serious – He dutifully recorded everything in his precious laptop, but he was not done yet. How did she think about the interior setting of this new shop, say, comparing with that of Star Bucks? Melynn felt like a white mouse in midst of the scientific research – Oh very nice, nicely done, all the fuzzy, warm clouds around her head was now gone without trace. A customer! How embarrassing! She had to clentch her teeth to fight the sense of humiliation. However, it was in this chilly sense of mortification, that her effort of finding her composed, witty, usual self found its strength – No, no, that was nothing, merely a bad taste on her side. Nothing to worry about, really – she assured. He persisted, so she let go more – Coffee was fine, Mocha probably a little bit too sweet, just slightly, nothing serious – He dutifully recorded everything in his precious laptop, but he was not done yet. How did she think about the interior setting of this new shop, say, comparing with that of Star Bucks? Melynn felt like a white mouse in midst of the scientific research – Oh very nice, nicely done, indeed, may not be as stylish as Star Bucks, but definitely has its own character, very cozy.
Melynn was determined to play out her part nicely before fleeing this “cozy new shop” with its self-important manager. To his question “how to make this place more attractive to single women like her”, she responded “hiring more good-looking managers like you”.
When this unilaterally-interested interview was finally over, Melynn was dog-tired. She stood up from her seat, collected all her scattered belongings and turned to the door, before being stopped by him again “May I have your phone number?””
