Here’s a fun little experiment to start this column:
take a few seconds and look around you, noticing and focusing on everything you see that is blue. Just look around and notice everything that is blue.
Just work with me here.
Now close your eyes, and tell me every thing you noticed that is green.
Threw you a bit of a curve ball there, didn’t I? If you are like most folks, you were expecting me to ask you to name everything that was blue. Instead I asked for green, something different from that which you were focused on.
Now here’s an interesting fact from the world of race car driving. As I understand it, when new drivers are learning how to race, one of the very first things they are taught is what to focus on when they go into a spin. The natural tendency is to focus on the wall they are trying to avoid hitting, and they usually wind up hitting the wall. Instead they are taught to focus not on the wall, but to focus on where they want to go. In this way, they have a better chance of avoiding the wall and successfully getting out of the spin.
The incredible power of focus in our lives
Where we place our focus, the rest of our mind and emotions will follow. In the exercise, we learned that we only notice what we focus on. In the racing example, we learned that we tend to end up where we are focused.
“So how do we learn how to do this focus stuff?” you ask. One of the quickest ways to begin to strengthen your focus muscles is to practice the 5%/95% rule. That means to focus no more than 5% on what you don’t want and 95% on what you do want.
Focus 5% on what you fear 95 % on getting educated and skilled to face it
Did you know that we all have fears? Even those that appear to not fear anything. The trick is not to have no fear, but to work at becoming strong and skilled enough to face and conquer your fears.
Focus 5% on the problem 95% on the healthiest solution
Often it’s easy to get caught in the endless definition and re-definition of a problem. “What’s the problem?” is the wrong question. A better question would be “How many new and different solutions can we create?”
Remember, problems have solutions.
Focus 5% on the mistake 95 % on learning from it
A mistake is simply evidence that someone tried to accomplish something.
There’s a wonderful story about a new employee of a large corporation that makes a $10,000 mistake in his first week. Upon being called into the CEO’s office at the end of the day, he tells his boss that he realizes he has to fire him and that he is sorry for the mistake. To which the CEO replies, “Fire you? No way, I just spent $10,000 training you.” I bet he became a loyal and valuable employee.
Focus 5% on who to blame 95% on making sure to heal
Getting stuck in blame sets you up to “be – lame.” Focusing on healing allows you to move on with your life.
Focus 5% on the conflict 95% on the win-win-win resolution
Conflict, especially in families, does not always have to be a win – lose situation. In any conflict, each side has needs. The question is what kind of solution can be found that meets as many of each person’s needs as possible.
Focus 5% on what you must do 95% on enjoying the process of it
“I have to” – “I’ve got to” – “I wish I didn’t have to” are all phrases that focus on having to do things we don’t want to do. Better words that shift your focus would be “How can I get all this done and enjoy the process?” Or in the words of psychiatrist Sidney Freidman on M*A*S*H, “Ladies and gentleman, take my advice, pull down your pants, and slide on the ice.”
Finally, and probably most importantly…………….
Focus 5% on reading this 95% on applying it
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