If you really loved me . . .
When I was 15, filled with hormones, I was lucky enough to
go on a 3-week, 19-country whirlwind tour of Europe with 24
high school girls and 11 other high school boys. Our eyes
burned from the excess pheromones as natural adolescent
attraction filled the bus, plane, train — whatever the mode
of transportation.
The oldest girl on the trip was having a little “thing” with
the French tour guide. We didn”t know if it was sex, but we
knew they were always together and she got very special
attention. We imagined all kinds of things. But all we
talked about was sex.
I was very na ve. All I knew about sex was what I”d gleaned
from stolen glances at my uncle”s Playboy, and the stories
(or lies) told by my other friends.
Sex seemed to be really important. “If you really loved me,
then you”d . . . ” That seemed to be boys” favorite lines
with girls. “If you really loved me . . .” And the pressure
was on. Sex became inextricably entwined with love in my 15
year-old mind.
Sex is great, but it ain”t love. Man, did it take me a long
time to figure that out, even when it was clearly
demonstrated in front of me on the that trip.
While in Frankfurt, Germany, we had some free time. A few of
us guys found the red light district immediately. We walked
and gawked at the women sitting in the storefront windows
selling sex. Our eyes couldn”t take it all in. What a
concept: Sex for sale in the open on the street like a pair
of shoes. As we walked by a sex mall (of sorts) called Crazy
Sexy, I watched a young woman dressed provocatively get out
of a car, lean in, kiss the man driving and the kids in the
back seat. She walked into Crazy Sexy. So did we.
It was one of the strangest moments in my life.
Crazy Sexy was a large room, kind of like a warehouse, with
women sitting on stools near pillars, on display. There in
the middle of the room sat the woman I”d seen earlier in the
street. It was more than my little 15 year-old mind could
handle. Is sex love or is sex business? How can she do that?
Judgments flew.
Where I came from sex was verbotten. It was something to be
shared with someone special. But then again, if the
opportunity arose. . . It was so confusing.
As I get older, I”m learning that love isn”t so complicated.
It”s constant unlike those feelings I associated with sex
that were so manic. Love is spending time with your chosen
mate, listening, supporting, enjoying, sharing. It”s
understanding the priority in life — love of spirit, love
of spouse, love of family.
And there”s such peace that comes with love.
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