The Diaries, Letters, Journals and Notes
7
[Dick Earnestrecording on the tape for Anna] By the united aid of these accounts I am about to read to you (letters, diaries, journals, notes and so on) it is made possible to say, optimistically, the dates of their origins; however, I can only speak of them in a reporting narrative to you. Notwithstanding, the obscurity of the annals or collected data, I can no doubt also say: they have always existed as I have found them. Therefore Anna, I dospeak plainly; I do feel it is an absolute, pre-eminent necessity that you should look well at this data: the worm, and beyond it, as it is related to the overall picture of your situation: the curse. You may sense some remoteness to its clarity, and connections: that is, as it links back to you: yet all entwined it makes for a clearer understanding of the lost-past, –alas.
The Lime Family
And Martha
To whom it may Concern:
The following story, data-information has been taken from the diaries, journals, letters and notes of the people by the Christian Psychologist, known as Dick Earnest, national TV talk host, Radio Talk Show host, and National and International Lecture; these documents are being read onto a recorder, and will be sent to Anna Viper for her evaluation.
Signed
Martha
Diary Enter: Martha Lime
17 May, 1865 [first entry]
As odd as it may sound thirty-five years from now, being only 12-years old now, and this being my first entry in my first and only diary, I seem to have entered into a marriage that looks more like a death relationship somehow. Twice over that is. First of all, I work for a house of ill-repute, or so they call it, a damn whorehouse here in Nashville. I work for Martha Reeder, on Front Street. Yew, oh yes, I’m a damn prostitute. Business has been slow here so I will be working for another such place in the near future I think. I need the money. I expect to leave this place in pretty good condition so Martha will speak well of me to my new boss. I don’t have much on top, my breasts that is, and they’ve been aching as one of my friends, older friends had told me they would ach as I developed more, and they are getting very hard, so very hard reminiscent of green apples, but the men like that. And I am tight between my legs and the older men like that also. I suppose that will not last long. I got a two-room ‘crib’ downtown a ways from my work place.
I am poor as poor can be, except I have a place to sleep, so I guess I’m not all that poor am I. I mean, a lot of people are sleeping under the bridges now-a-days; beggars seem to be all over; when the soldiers came back, and they still are coming back from the war, I make a lot of money, and hide the tips, so I am not as poor as they think I am.
Martha Reeder owns all the city it seems, I’m kidding, she owns about 10-properties around the city, I bet she’s worth $10,000 or $15,000 dollars, at least. I got $126, 25 hidden. I hope JJ doesn’t read this. JJ is my boyfriend he is an older person, I want to say man, older man, in any case, older than I, but he acts like a kid, he is all of 31-years old. I know that is kind of old for me. He comes from a haunting family background as well.
JJ’s mother’s [Elsie] is a seer of some-sort, reads the palms of people’s hands, I guess she’s a 4th cousin to a person called Lady Belinda who lives someplace in England, who is quite rich, she’s a seer also. JJ says she’s almost 1000-years old, I think he’s full of shit, I’ve seen her picture, she looks about thirty-five at best, no more, possibly younger, well kept, pretty and refined. I’m a Methodist, but JJ will not go to church with menot sure what he believes in, I mean in the God area.
I am not married to JJ yet, but perhaps, possibly someday I will when I get a little older. Although with my bright blue eyespale now, or so they seem to me, which I’ve been told has a gaze to it, and my arched eyebrows, which I’ve fixed that way, I look sixteen or seventeen to most people, even the constable doesn’t know my real age.
JJ was on the USS Shamrock and his friends, Smith and Anderson got in trouble [Civil War ship], I guess they got caught (this was before I met him of course, when he was in the Navy), anyways, as I was about to say, I guess they got caught having intercourse with one another. JJ was somehow implemented into the circle. I wonder when he first started liking that kind of stuff. You know, boys. I’m writing to myself, and I say ‘you know,’ funny. Anyhow, the two boys got in trouble, and were reported to higher up’s, the review board did whatever they do to men that are fond of men. I like men, but I don’t like other women (unlike the way of JJ). At least, I mean not the intercourse way. Maybe on ships that is what happens though. JJ always seems to get out of trouble somehow. He’s going to be my death I swear, mark my words; — yes, he gets out of trouble, just by the skin of his neck, I mean chin. But I trust he will always protect me. He should be coming soon; not sure if that is good or bad, I’m fond of him a lot, but he troubles me so.
May 25, 1865
Martha’s Diary
It is 7:30 PM. I left work early, had thirty-soldiers today. I got a lot of money, $3.00 per soldier, one right after the other. They lined up outside my apartment door. They went from room to room, and most of them stopped at mine. But what really bothers me right now is even though I only get 1/3 of the money, JJ takes 50% of that, and that leaves me with 50%, no I mean, it leaves me with 50% of the 33% which averages out some how to be 15%, JJ takes the extra 2% says it’s better that way, instead of fighting over it. Most days I only make $10, and have to split that three ways. Another thing that bothers me is JJ himself. He has been bringing home, home-less people, mostly kids around my age, boys, and sleeping with them.
Last night after the stranger, or I should say, boy left, I called JJ a faggetI think this got to him, but he is one. I think this is going to be a trend; not sure why I am not good enough anymore: why he has to have both girls and boys. But then he does it to me also, fagot or not. I’ve only known him about six-months, and he is already doing this on a regular bases. I’m not too afraid of him finding this, he can’t read worth shit, not like me at least; I even know some big words, I practice reading at night and do spelling in the morning, by myself, I’ll need to know these things when I grow up. I should get better at numbers though.
He told me it was alright for him to have boy lovers that this poet guy called Walt Whitman did it to boys, ‘…so why can’t I?’ So he said. I didn’t say anything, he kind of got me there; I guess I got a lot of guy lovers. Matter of fact, he said he had seen Mr. Whitman once with a boy who worked for a blacksmith back in ’62, on Middaugh Street; I’ll write later, so bye for now, JJ should be coming home soon.
Martha
June 12, 1865
Martha’s Diary
I am pregnant! I kind of knew I might be… kind of shit, shit, I knew, –now what? If JJ doesn’t marry me I’ll kill him. No I will not, it’s my fault also. I’ll name him JJ Jr. Noddoc. I hope it is a girl, I’ll name her Sally, and I like that name for some reason; I liked it for a long time. I think I have a cousin named Sally somewhere, maybe it is in St. Louis, I heard my mother mention her name a few times years back. Yaw, perhaps that is why I like the name; you remember such things you know. Things mom said stick in my head.
Martha
August 21, 1865
Martha’s Diary
Sally was born this morning; a midwife came over to our place. JJ got her. She is really small, but so very cute. I think JJ will leave me sooner or later. The damn boys, he likes messing around with them all the time, plus when I was showing, you know, the baby, he didn’t want to sleep with me. I had seen him play with his boy friends; he kisses their ear, and stomach, and gets them hard as a rock. I told him it was a sin in the Bible to do such things with your own sex that he’d end up in hell but he laughed at me. Well, maybe that’s goodgood that he laughed it off otherwise he’d get mad at me and never see me again. Oh, I better put this down before I forget; I was thirteen years old last month, July 14 that is. JJ never even bought me a gift. It made me sad, but I guess that’s just the way boys are. At work they get their sex, and play with me like a dirty dollafterwards, and when it’s all over you’d think they’d never even seen me, about nine minutes from start to end, that’s what it takes for them to get hot and get it out of them; then they squeeze my ass and tell me whatever is in their hearts, or is it their dicks. Bye for now, Martha
PS. It’s been six hours since my last entry, I just got a letter from one of those boys, JJ has left me, he is going to St. Paul, Minnesota, or Erie, Pennsylvania. He will not tell me which one, thinking I will follow him, but I will not, I’ve saved up $165 for such an occasion, you know, to pay the rent and so forth. It will not last long, but it will last a little while. I will write his mother for advice, she lives in Erie, and her name is Elsie.
Feb 25, 1866, Erie Pa
[Letter]
Dear Martha,
I am left all alone in this big house with only a maidyou are both, that is you and your child are both welcome to come live with me. But let me be quite frank young lady, should you decide to accept my offer of free rent and food, I request but a few services of helping me around my big house, from youand should you decideand leave, vacate my house that is, I, I will keep my granddaughter, not let her go with you. I am sick and tired of people running off and never coming back, like my son; I am getting on with age, and have no intentions to put heart and soul into helping raise your child, only to be displeased with you running off to who knows where land. So if you plan to come, you must agree in writing to leave your daughter with me should you choose to go elsewhere? As you consider this, I will have that made into a legal document.
Sincerely,
Grandma Noddoc
May 25, –1866
My JournalMartha, Erie Pa
We, Sally and I have been living at JJ’s mother’s house going on three months now. She fired the maid a month ago, and has me doing all the work in and around the house now. I have no money whatsoever; I sense she wants to keep me dependent on her so I won’t leave. JJ has not written her, not even once yetshe seems to get moody on that thought.
(Later onI’m back now)
Sally is sleeping a lot, and Grandma seems to get upset over nothing all the time, but what can I do. She is, is, I think she’s 69-years old now, I think she’s 69, take or give a year here or there; –I often hear Elsie talk about JJ (grandma that is). She says he is filled with the devils spirit. She also walks in her sleep, talking to her dead husband; hysterically. Sometimes she lights candles in her room calling on the dead to talk to her, and I get a rotten odor coming from her room (demons I think), way out into the hallway, and it seeps right under my door. I simply open up my window and whatever it isleaves as quickly as it came in, thank goodness.
July 2, 1866
Letter from JJ to Elsie
[Letter left on the dinning room table and read by Martha]
Dear Mother, the god Cherrobog [of darkness] has entered my life; I was looking at the lightening last night, a fresh force that puts day or night on fire, I love storms and lightening. I am now in a group that worships a “Black god,” a group of Baltic Slavsa cult of sortsin New Orleans; a Belo-bog god of long ago. I have learned light and sky is in contrast with the god of darkness of his earth. Some people insist this is all fantasybut I seem to gain power out of it. I want you to have Sally come here to visit me, you watch the child, ok?
September 9th, 1866
Letter from JJ to Elsie [his mother]
Dear Mother, Martha came down and she joined the group with meI gave her to the group, for their sexual pleasures, somehow I felt compelled to; I didn’t believe it was proper, but I did it. I’ve never seen anything like this group; a few nights ago, a giant of a figure came out from behind some curtains, as Martha was told to take off her rope, she did, his eyes were closed and this thing had very thick eyebrows. He lay on Martha and almost, almost ended up killing her with his huge weight. Then like lightening his eyes become lit, he opened them. His ox-like eyes, the light pierced Martha, and she seemed to become infected with red dots all over her body; she died soon after, in any event,now this evening he wants me, should he open his eyes and stare at me, I will surely be subject to his poison rays within his eyes I know I will die, I’m sure of it, and I have no way to escape (I am throwing this letter out the window hoping someone will pick it up and be kind enough to send it to you; also someone helped me write it but I can’t say who). I’m scared, real scared, if you get this letter, it may very well be my last. I should never have left home mom. Love J.J.
Notes: Tape Player on, –by Dick Earnest [to my employer, Ann Viper]; I have read these few letters to bring you up to date on the matter at hand. To conclude, may I sayJJ was never heard of again. I will forward the documents to you after I have finished putting them on tape.
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