Do you know WHAT MAKES ME MAD?? It makes me SO MAD I just want to…
Sound familiar? If you want to manage anger, the only way of doing so is to listen to your self-talk. This doesnt mean listening to yourself talk. It means listening to your SELF-TALK.
Its quite true that anger is created from within. No matter how much you sayShe made me mad! It makes me so mad when
the anger comes from YOU, not it or she.
Our reaction to it or she is actually where the anger comes from. And simply by changing our reaction we can change the way we feel (from angry to more composed, for instance.)
Doesnt it make sense, then, if anger is created from within that we have the power from within to keep from getting angry? The answer is a definitive YES.
By adjusting how you think about a situation, to listen your self-talk, is how you keep yourself from getting madperiod.
How? By listening for demands. What are demands? Theyre easy to spot. They ALWAYS involve the word SHOULD, or its evil twins
ought, must, have-to, need.
ANY TIME these words or thoughts are used they will create anger. Whether you use them on someone or someone is using them on you, a sense of anger, rage or mad evolves from these words/thoughts of demand.
There are numerous examples of how this is true, but here is a simple one that most everyone can relate to:
Youre driving in rush-hour traffic, late to get home. Another driver cuts you off, almost hitting you, so he can run a yellow light that actually is quite red by the time he runs itleaving you stopped at the light and cursing the driver as he speeds away.
Your immediate thoughts are: What an idiot! People like that shouldnt be allowed to drive!! Hes an accident waiting to happen. They ought to lock him up!!
The word should- creates anger because youre being demanding of a situation that is totally out of your control. It may very well be that you wish he didnt drive like that, but the cold, hard reality is that you are totally powerless to do anything about it.
Instead if you approach the situation without demands then your reaction will
change appropriately. You may wish he didnt drive that way, you may prefer it, but hes driving that way
so dont deny the reality of it!
It may be illegal, but its his choice to drive that way. Youd feel much better to accept it and not demand anything to the contrary.
This works for anything in life. When you should on somebody youre creating anger for yourself (or them) when it is totally un-necessary.
When you knock off the demands, shoulds and oughts, youll notice a difference. It would be nice if things always went the way you want them to go, but that isnt reality, so become more tolerant by listening to your own thoughts and youll start to see anger withering away.
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